Without wanting to get a certain song stuck in your head, I’ve decided that it’s about time to start seriously thinking about what should go on that all important Christmas list. I think I speak on behalf of the vast majority of the population when I say that we’ve all been very, very good this year. Well, if not good, then at least, careful. So Santa, you should be coming to town in just a short twinkle of time but before you pack the sleigh and put Rudolph’s, quite frankly ridiculous, nose on, could you please please add the following ten items to the sack? Cheers.
Love from us all.
ps. we’ll save you an extra mince pie, but mind the crumbs.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS:
1. You. Standard. Mariah Carey does have a point though.
2. A day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Complete with never-ending Christmas feast in the Great Hall, friendly ghosts and a ceiling of stars and snowflakes. Preferably Voldemort free.
3. A Chesterfield armchair.
4. A year’s supply of chocolate. Willy Wonka Style.
5. Another pair of socks…… NOT. Christmas Stockings are good though. We like stockings. Oh yes. Stockings can stay thank you very much.
6. A white one. Let there be snow.
7. Puppies. Which aren’t, by the way, for Christmas but for LIFE.
8. A David Attenborough voice-over to make those ordinary moments ultra special.
“Feeding time. At… the dinner table. The smell of the forthcoming meal is enough to catch the attention of creatures within a large radius, whose rumbling bellies and heavy footfall can be heard approaching in record breaking time. Soon…. a gathering. Eye contact is… crucial. One slight movement towards the knife or fork by its side can signal… disaster… for the other members of the pack. Once the fight begins, it’s each for his own. The weaker members of the species, although smaller in size, are desperate for nourishment and therefore not afraid to take on their predominantly male counterparts. A sly jab with an elbow is enough to take competitors off guard.”
9. A guilt free conscience. Moderation shmoderation. Stretchy clothes might help.
10. To get you what YOU want for Christmas. Giving is another word for love.