What a diamond. Champagne lover, literature fiend, blonde bombshell, femme fatale, one woman wonder, super star and all round beauty queen.
Here’s the best of Miss Marilyn Monroe. Those curves, that smile and some precious pearls of wisdom that should make you loud, proud and ready to shine. Life is short. Get out there and grab it.
Walking into the men’s toilet by accident. Tripping over in public. The unattractively loud snort that lies dormant waiting for its opportune moment to escape behind the guise of laughter. The list is endless.
Blushing a deep shade of pink, red or purple with a rush of blood to the cheeks that screams IDIOT. The plea for the concrete ground to somehow melt into smoke, clouding you in a haze of invisibility. The grunt-like cough bundled in with nervous laughter, unsure whether to draw attention to your embarrassment or divert it.
Yes. Those awkward moments happen to the best of us. And the worst of us for that matter. Remember, there’s no such thing as awkward moments, just brilliant anecdotes. Just smile and nod, people. Smile… and nod. Walk it off. There’s nothing to see here.
THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN…
1. You miss you mouth.
3. You’re about to introduce two people to each other at a party but can’t, for the life of you, remember one of their names. Avoid the conversation, abort the situation or write the names of VIPs on the back of your hand. You’re at their birthday party and when it comes to singing ‘Happy Birthday’, you mumble what you think might sound vaguely like a name.
4. You try to hug an awkward hugger. Eeeeesh.
5. The silence between film trailers pervades the cinema and you’ve just stuffed a fist full of popcorn into your gob. Time seems endless. God bless noise.
6. You called your teacher ‘mummy’ at school. Let’s hope we’re talking a good long time ago.
7. You’ve been trying to impress someone all evening, check yourself out in the mirror and realise there’s something wrong with your face. Classic examples include red lipstick smeared on front teeth, various remnants of dinner in and around your face, dark coloured food obscuring one or more teeth making you look like a toothless tramp.
8. The phone conversation between you and a friend gets cut off while you’re out and about. Oblivious, you carry on relaying the latest gossip then notice the radio silence. To avoid embarrassment, you pretend that nothing’s happened, wrap up your conversation then swiftly say goodbye to no one. Come on, we’ve all done it.
9. You fall asleep in public. You’re sleeping with your mouth wide open. Someone’s fallen asleep on your shoulder and you spend the rest of the journey willing yourself not to move an inch because you don’t have the heart to tell them. You find yourself dribbling. Your head starts lolling from side to side, until you wake yourself up with a start having head-butted the chair in front of you. You wake up with the sound of your own snoring. People pretend not to notice. Hmmm.
GET YOUR GOOF ON AND SUPPORT CHILDREN IN NEED.
Today we’re celebrating the pure genius of childhood. The laughs, the tears, the squabbles and the sticky fingers. We were all children once. The lucky ones amongst us still are. Let’s get back to grips with the joys of being a kid. Those glory days when we could entertain ourselves with our own reflection, pull ridiculous faces and still be considered ‘cute’, stick our fingers into the chocolate cake, scream the house down for no apparent reason, and tell people they smell with a snigger.
Those were the days. Ah. Go on, relive the moments. Chase your housemates around the kitchen table. Swap shoes with your boyfriend/girlfriend and strut your stuff up and down the corridor. Face paint. Start a band with pots and pans and milk bottles. Blow raspberries. Skip.
A child is a curly dimpled lunatic. ~Ralph Waldo
Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed. ~Robert Gallagher
Boy, n.: a noise with dirt on it. ~Not Your Average Dictionary
Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said. ~Author Unknown
Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince
We’ve had bad luck with our kids – they’ve all grown up. ~Christopher Morley
And if you can’t get enough of all this silliness, click on the sticky out tongue below:
MADE YOU LOOK… MADE YOU STARE… MADE YOU LOSE YOUR UNDERWEAR!
Yes, I know. Shockingly immature. Takes you back to childhood days, all those years ago, when silliness and teasing were socially acceptable. The problem is, we don’t seem to have outgrown our childish habits. We still enjoy giggling at our friends’ expense, we still cry with laughter when someone falls flat on their face. Yes, we’re technically adults, we might have jobs, partners, and overdrafts but is age synonymous with seriousness? I’d like to think not.
CHILDISH THINGS WE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE GROWN OUT OF…
1. Jumping on the bed. Sofa. A relative. Anything squishy really.
3. Pathetic comebacks.
5. Toilet humour. Enough said.
7. Poking fun at would-be couples with silly rhymes. “…sitting in a tree…”
8. Winding someone up who needs to remember a specific number by shouting out random numbers at the top of your lungs.
10. Sulking. Especially when you’re losing at Monopoly.
Shout out to Amina and Hasan Ispahani who let loose their inner child to inspire the content of this post. Now go have fun. That’s an order.