Monthly Archives: March 2012

SHOCK HORROR!

Walking into the men’s toilet by accident. Tripping over in public. The unattractively loud snort that lies dormant waiting for its opportune moment to escape behind the guise of laughter. The list is endless.

Blushing a deep shade of pink, red or purple with a rush of blood to the cheeks that screams IDIOT. The plea for the concrete ground to somehow melt into smoke, clouding you in a haze of invisibility. The grunt-like cough bundled in with nervous laughter, unsure whether to draw attention to your embarrassment or divert it.

Yes. Those awkward moments happen to the best of us. And the worst of us for that matter. Remember, there’s no such thing as awkward moments, just brilliant anecdotes. Just smile and nod, people. Smile… and nod. Walk it off. There’s nothing to see here.

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN…

1. You miss you mouth. 

 2. On the plane, you’re sitting in the middle of the row next to two strangers and you can’t decide which arm rest is technically yours. 

3. You’re about to introduce two people to each other at a party but can’t, for the life of you, remember one of their names. Avoid the conversation, abort the situation or write the names of VIPs on the back of your hand.  You’re at their birthday party and when it comes to singing ‘Happy Birthday’, you mumble what you think might sound vaguely like a name. 

4. You try to hug an awkward hugger. Eeeeesh. 

5. The silence between film trailers pervades the cinema and you’ve just stuffed a fist full of popcorn into your gob.  Time seems endless. God bless noise. 

6. You called your teacher ‘mummy’ at school. Let’s hope we’re talking a good long time ago.

7. You’ve been trying to impress someone all evening, check yourself out in the mirror and realise there’s something wrong with your face. Classic examples include red lipstick smeared on front teeth, various remnants of dinner in and around your face, dark coloured food obscuring one or more teeth making you look like a toothless tramp. 

8. The phone conversation between you and a friend gets cut off while you’re out and about. Oblivious, you carry on relaying the latest gossip then notice the radio silence. To avoid embarrassment, you pretend that nothing’s happened, wrap up your conversation then swiftly say goodbye to no one. Come on, we’ve all done it. 

9. You fall asleep in public. You’re sleeping with your mouth wide open. Someone’s fallen asleep on your shoulder and you spend the rest of the journey willing yourself not to move an inch because you don’t have the heart to tell them. You find yourself dribbling. Your head starts lolling from side to side, until you wake yourself up with a start having head-butted the chair in front of you. You wake up with the sound of your own snoring. People pretend not to notice. Hmmm.